An excerpt from Lauren Parsons’ book ‘Thriving Leaders Thriving Teams’.

 “Embracing vulnerability will not only show you are human, but also that you trust yourself and are confident to confront your own flaws.” – Gustavo Razzetti

From the day Jason Saltzman started his first company, he decided to be transparent, sharing openly with his staff about his struggles with anxiety. “I’m not a superhero. I don’t have any superpowers. I’m a regular human being who goes through ups and downs like anyone else. But I’m also an entrepreneur and a CEO, which means people around me tend to put me in a category above themselves.”

Saltzman understands how challenging it can be for a leader to open up about their faults and flaws. He made a conscious decision to do so, to set the example for those around him. 

When he’s experiencing anxiety, he lets people know in real time, sharing about it during meetings, in one-on-ones and via blog posts. He’s noticed this builds empathy and makes it safe for others to follow his lead, encouraging staff to say “Hey, our leader is going through something and asking for help, so it’s okay if we go through something, too.”

He says, “Society has conditioned us to believe that no one wants to follow a flawed leader. That needs to change. Every single human being has imperfections, and anyone who convinces themselves otherwise is just setting themselves up for disappointment.”

It turns out leaders are people too. 

Leaders don’t need to pretend they’ve got it all figured out 100% of the time. One of the best ways to build trust, is to ask for help. According to Patrick Lencioni, author of The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, one of the keys to a high-trust team is vulnerability.

A lack of trust is the first dysfunction that stops teams performing effectively. Without a foundation of trust between colleagues, it’s impossible to have robust discussions and what I call ‘positive conflict’ – the sort of frank, open yet respectful conversations that people can only have with those they implicitly trust.

If I say, “I think we should do ‘xyz’”, and you reply, “No Lauren, I don’t think you’ve considered ‘abc’ and here’s why”, we have the opportunity to create better outcomes. Without this candour, people can’t contribute fully and opportunities are missed.

In high-trust teams it’s safe to air ideas – even conflicting ones – and explore all the options. Without this, there’s a lack of commitment to decisions (because people don’t feel they’ve had a chance to be heard), which leads to a lack of accountability and ultimately, poor results.

Lencioni says vulnerability-based trust is “the kind of trust that comes about when people on a team can and will genuinely say things to one another like: 

• I don’t know the answer. 
• I need help, I think I really messed this up.
• I’m sorry – what I said yesterday was totally out of line and I apologise.”

When leaders are able to be vulnerable and admit their faults and failures, it completely changes the team dynamic and draws the team together. If you try to be perfect or always ‘have everything together’, you can come across as robotic, distant and unapproachable. 

One of the most powerful things you can do for your team is show up authentically and be prepared to share your imperfections.  Admit when you don’t have the answers, be willing to ask others for input, and if you get it wrong, apologise unreservedly. These actions require courage. They also inspire people to trust you and encourage your team members to do the same with each other. 

BE BAMBOO (NOT A TOWER)

Have the strength to be a ‘bamboo leader’ – organic, real and flexible, rather than a ‘tower leader’ – stoic and immovable, holding everything behind an artificial facade. 

Studies show leadership stoicism can increase mental health problems within teams. If you always wear the ‘I’m fine’ mask it’s hard for your staff to relate. Instead, choose to be transparent and ‘real’ as a leader. 

Yes, you need to filter certain things. I’m not suggesting you weigh your team members down with all your personal problems, but where it’s relevant, share how you’re feeling. Being able to say, “I was disappointed we missed out on that project” or, “I’m feeling a bit under the pump today” gives people permission to also share how they’re doing, rather than pretending they’re always feeling fantastic and on top of things. 

Some leaders fear being honest will lead to disrespect, but in fact, the opposite is true. The more you speak truthfully and openly, the more staff will respect you for it and the more they’ll be able to share with you in return, which means you can help them before things snowball. 

COMPASSIONATE LEADERSHIP 

“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley

Chris Roberts was the CEO at Tourism Industry Aotearoa New Zealand when the global pandemic hit in 2020. Their members faced huge challenges when the borders closed, switching off what had been a vibrant industry, virtually overnight. There was massive uncertainty and constant change to keep up with, which meant the organisation’s workload ramped up as they tried to support struggling tourism providers. 

During this time, Roberts was not only focused on what they could do for members, but also highly invested in what he could do for his staff. Mid-2020 he set up a regular practice of ‘coffee with the CEO’. His EA set up a weekly time slot in his agenda and invited staff, one at a time, to join him.

Initially, some of the team weren’t sure why they were being asked to go out for coffee with the CEO, but very quickly they came to understand there was no hidden agenda. They’d head over the road to a quiet café for an hour and just talk. Roberts let his guest lead the conversation. Some would focus on work issues, others would chat about what was going on in their lives, creating a chance for him to get to know them. This practice helped Roberts know how his team was doing. It also gave opportunity to resolve problems and discuss new ideas and improvements. 

With a staff of 20, he was able to rotate through the entire team within a six-month period, meaning each person had a chance to connect with him privately twice a year. Roberts recognises not every organisation will be able to do ‘coffee with the CEO’ because of their size, but recommends leaders do this with their direct reports, so it becomes the norm.

Compassionate leadership is vital to flourishing teams. Steven Hargreaves, author of The Compassionate Leader’s Playbook says, “Leaders have a responsibility to alleviate, mitigate and prevent suffering in the workplace.” As Brené Brown says, “Clear is kind.” Empathetic leaders foster a human-focused environment where staff flourish and perform at their best.

Humans can’t thrive without three things: genuineness, acceptance and empathy. If you neglect these, you’ll never get the best out of your team. As the saying goes, people don’t just quit jobs, they quit bosses. Too many organisations tolerate leaders who create a toxic environment, full of intimidation, incivility, passive-aggressive communication, belittling, sarcasm and bullying. They destroy confidence, hamper performance and churn through great people.

Yes, leaders need to focus on the numbers and ensure their teams are producing key outputs. They also need to take care of the wellbeing of their staff while doing that. Otherwise, they’ll lose good people to stress leave, burnout and staff turnover – all very costly outcomes.

A 2020 Australasian survey showed staff who feel their manager genuinely cares about them (as opposed to those who don’t) are less likely to show signs of being

• Exhausted (49% vs 61%).
• Isolated (15% vs 30%).
• Disengaged (38% vs 57%). 

When you show compassion as a leader, you directly influence engagement and loyalty. A massive, global meta-analysis into workplace wellbeing and its relationship to business outcomes proved the “happy-productive worker hypothesis” is correct. Higher employee engagement leads to higher commitment, joy, fulfilment and caring, which leads to efficient work, loyalty, creativity and ultimately better business outcomes.

Specifically the researchers found that leaders need to focus on these six areas to significantly improve staff retention, customer satisfaction, productivity, and profitability:

• “My supervisor, or someone at work, seems to care about me as a person.” 
• “I have the opportunity to do what I do best every day.” 
• “At work, my opinions seem to count.”
• “My colleagues are committed to doing quality work.” 
• “I know what is expected of me at work.”
• “This last year, I have had opportunities at work to learn and grow.”

As you can see, having a superior who cares about you, knows your strengths, listens to your opinions and gives you opportunities to grow makes all the difference. 

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And if you’d like to improve staff wellbeing at your workplace feel free to download a copy of my eBook 5 Keys to a Positive, Energised, High-Performance Culture here.

About the Author – Lauren Parsons, CSP, AS

Lauren is a keynote speaker, author and consultant who’s passionate about helping busy people discover little-used techniques to boost their energy, vitality and performance. She’s the only speaker in the world to focus on lifting BOTH workplace wellbeing and productivity.

Awarded NZ Keynote Speaker of the Year and Educator of the Year 2023/24 by the Professional Speakers Association. Lauren is a sought-after international speaker, one of only a dozen Certified Speaking Professionals and the only Accredited Speaker in New Zealand.

TEDx speaker, Author of Thriving Leaders Thriving Teams and Real Food Less Fuss, Founder of the Snack on Exercise movement and host of the Thrive TV Show. With over 20 years’ experience, Lauren integrates her wellness and business background to help leaders find the sweet spot between boosting both wellbeing and productivity.

Described as unforgettable and life-changing, Lauren is a dynamic and highly-engaging presenter, and master story-teller who will have you laughing, moving and learning in a memorable way. Whether it’s virtual or in-person, you will leave Lauren’s session feeling uplifted and empowered to create positive change, today!

Based in the Manawatu, New Zealand, where she lives with her husband and three children, Lauren can often be found hosting dinner parties, playing board games, running, reading or getting out in her gumboots to walk the paddocks. She travels regularly to speak at conferences and in-house and specialises in helping leaders create positive, energised workplaces where people thrive.

Check out all the goodness at Lauren’s “Free Stuff” page at www.LaurenParsonsWellbeing.com

Ways to connect with Lauren

• Find out about conference keynotes 
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