Learn to Lead Self Before Others

An excerpt from Lauren Parsons’ book ‘Thriving Leaders Thriving Teams’.


“If you want to improve the organization, you have to improve yourself and the organization gets pulled up with you.” 

– Indra Nooyi


I was once the Customer Service Manager at a large fitness centre. Straight out of university, it was the first time I’d been part of a leadership team and I constantly felt out of my depth. I put in long hours, trying to prove myself.

Most of my days were spent stuck at my desk under artificial lights. I barely saw the sun. Trying to do so much at once made me inefficient, ineffective and overwhelmed. I never worked out on the gym floor (even though it would have been a great opportunity for ‘management by walking around’). 

I failed to do the basics, like getting enough sleep, eating well or having any hobbies or fun outside work. As someone who was supposed to set the example as a leader in the health and fitness profession, I did a very poor job, both for myself and my team.

One day, a new manager joined the leadership group. She came from a corporate background and brought a fresh perspective to the team. She astounded me when she explained that because the gym opened so early she was going to start work at 6am and finish at 2pm on Fridays (and work 9am-5pm the other days). I’d been regularly starting at 6am but staying until 7pm, after the evening rush. 

Even though the Managing Director had told me he didn’t mind how many hours I was present, as long as the role was done well, I hadn’t taken his advice. I simply couldn’t fathom how to do things any other way. I was caught in a negative spiral of long, ineffective hours that drained me – physically, mentally and emotionally. 

The new manager opened my eyes to the fact I could do things differently. It took time, clear boundaries and consciously shifting my habits to get back to feeling on top of things again. When I did, I was a happier human and much better manager.


As a leader, the first person you lead is yourself. Regardless of any title you may or may not have, you are a leader. You’re the leader of your own life. How you show up every day matters. When you lead a team, it matters even more. 

Your health and wellbeing are vitally important to your team’s success. You deserve to thrive. When you’re at your best, you positively influence everyone around you.

The way you manage your thoughts, feelings and actions determines how you relate to others. You set the example for your colleagues through the routines you create for yourself. When you commit to your own wellbeing and clearly communicate that, you give others permission to do the same, setting the tone and building your team cultural norms and unwritten rules.

Wellbeing Shaming

Wellbeing shaming can creep into cultures, where staff, either directly, or passive-aggressively, belittle their colleagues for looking after their mental health and wellbeing. This can show up as snide comments about you taking your full lunch break, utilising your workplace’s flexible hours policy, taking leave, or declining to sync your work emails on your personal phone. Often the people who engage in wellbeing shaming secretly wish they had those same boundaries. They could certainly be more efficient and effective if they switched off from work to recharge.

Comments like, “Oh, I see. You’re off for your run while we hold the fort for you” infer that slogging away non-stop for long hours is the expected, and better, option. You can show leadership by calling out this sort of behaviour for what it is, pointing out that people who look after their wellbeing are making a positive contribution to the entire team’s success.

Why Leadership Matters

The World Health Organisation says leadership commitment and engagement is the most important factor to achieve healthy workplaces. Yet an Australian report showed that only five in 10 employees believed their most senior leader valued mental health and a British study showed 40% of employees felt their line manager wasn’t genuinely concerned for their wellbeing.

As a leader, you have critical influence on how engaged your team members are. In fact, Gallup discovered direct managers account for 70% of variation in staff engagement. Your attitude is of vital importance, as engaged workers are 28% more likely to take part in a wellness program offered by their company, and participation is the most important success factor.

Be sure to take steps to raise the banner for the wellbeing of your team, to set a great example and stamp out wellbeing shaming. Every time you do – you’re setting the standard and helping your team succeed.

If you’d like to improve staff wellbeing at your workplace feel free to download a copy of my eBook 5 Keys to a Positive, Energised, High-Performance Culture here


About the Author – Lauren Parsons, CSP, AS

Lauren is a keynote speaker, author and consultant who’s passionate about helping busy people discover little-used techniques to boost their energy, vitality and performance. She’s the only speaker in the world to focus on lifting BOTH workplace wellbeing and productivity.

Awarded NZ Keynote Speaker of the Year and Educator of the Year 2023/24 by the Professional Speakers Association. Lauren is a sought-after international speaker, one of only a dozen Certified Speaking Professionals and the only Accredited Speaker in New Zealand.

TEDx speaker, Author of Thriving Leaders Thriving Teams and Real Food Less Fuss, Founder of the Snack on Exercise movement and host of the Thrive TV Show. With over 20 years’ experience, Lauren integrates her wellness and business background to help leaders find the sweet spot between boosting both wellbeing and productivity.

Described as unforgettable and life-changing, Lauren is a dynamic and highly-engaging presenter, and master story-teller who will have you laughing, moving and learning in a memorable way. Whether it’s virtual or in-person, you will leave Lauren’s session feeling uplifted and empowered to create positive change, today!

Based in the Manawatu, New Zealand, where she lives with her husband and three children, Lauren can often be found hosting dinner parties, playing board games, running, reading or getting out in her gumboots to walk the paddocks. She travels regularly to speak at conferences and in-house and specialises in helping leaders create positive, energised workplaces where people thrive.

Check out all the goodness at Lauren’s “Free Stuff” page at www.LaurenParsonsWellbeing.com

Ways to connect with Lauren

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