An excerpt from Lauren Parsons’ book ‘Thriving Leaders Thriving Teams’.

 To build trust and belonging people need to feel:

• SAFE – to feel secure, to trust their colleagues and have the confidence to share openly and take measured risks
• INCLUDED – to feel “welcomed and accepted” as they are and have a deep sense of authentic connection with their team mates

Let’s look how we can ensure people feel included.

“We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we were meant to be. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache… The absence of love and belonging will always lead to suffering.” 

– Brené Brown

A few days after you sign your new work contract, the doorbell rings. It’s a parcel, beautifully wrapped, containing a bottle of champagne and a card signed by every member of your team. Not the staff at your old workplace, but your new, future teammates (most of whom you haven’t met yet) welcoming you to the ‘OMD whanau’. 

This is what happens for every new team member at OMD New Zealand, a media agency who aim to prioritise staff belonging. After you’ve received your welcome package, you’re invited in to have a coffee or drink with the team, two to three weeks ahead of your first day. 

On your official first day, you arrive to be greeted with a welcome box (with a distinctive red OMD notebook and pen and a range of tasty treats, goodies and vouchers from some of their clients). 

Your manager helps you fill in a ‘60 seconds with (your name)’ to share some fun facts about you which get sent out to the wider team. Mid-morning, an announcement invites everyone to join you for a specially catered morning tea in your honour. You also have a polaroid photo taken in front of the distinctive graffiti wall so yours can join all the other staff photos proudly displayed in reception.

You quickly discover that all day-breakfast is available in the spacious staff kitchen with a range of cereals, spreads, yoghurt, fruit, quality coffee, a great range of teas and every type of milk under the sun. 

To give you confidence in how things work, you receive a beautifully laid out ‘How We Roll’ guide which gives you an overview of everything from ‘who we are’, ‘staff perks’, and ‘what ties us together’, through to the nitty gritty of ‘office survival’. It also has a handy checklist to reassure you of the key things that will happen in your first day, week and month.

You round out your first week with a lunch shout for you and your team.

Within the first six weeks, you join other new team members for a special half-day induction. You meet the CEO and other leaders, hear about the company vision, values, and career development. It finishes with an ‘amazing race’ in small groups with different points allocated for completing different activities, such as visiting local eateries, stores and gyms, and climbing to the top of the local hill.

Ending with a shared lunch, the induction experience not only communicates key info and highlights what’s on offer in the local area, it creates opportunities to build connection and get to know others in a relaxed and fun setting, fostering belonging from the outset. 

We’re hard-wired with a need to belong. Not feeling you belong can be as stressful as physical pain.  We desire a deep sense of connection to one another and ultimately to feel accepted and loved.

Work can fulfil that need for connection and a sense of belonging. When it does, not surprisingly, people are more engaged, give higher discretionary effort and stick with you for longer. So belonging directly impacts your bottom line and is critical to your success as an organisation.

Research by the global research company Glint, with almost one million data points, has shown staff with a strong sense of belonging are over six times more likely to be engaged than those who don’t. In other words, those who feel they belong are much more likely to bring their best selves to work and deliver first-class performance.

While developing a sense of belonging may not be a turnkey-process, as with anything to do with culture, you can shape the environment and create the norms so people don’t feel unwelcomed or excluded.

Belonging Cues

As human beings we’re wired to constantly look for belonging cues. We’re subconsciously preoccupied with whether we’re safe and whether we belong. As Edmondson says, “We have a place in our brain that’s always worried about what people think of us, especially higher-ups. As far as our brain is concerned, if our social system rejects us, we could die. Given that our sense of danger is so natural and automatic, organisations have to do some pretty special things to overcome that natural trigger.” 

The thing about belonging is it needs to be continually reinforced, much like in a relationship where you regularly tell and show your partner you love them. It’s not enough to say or do things only once. You need to frequently send signals that your team members are valued.

The brain is continuously scanning the world around you for danger. Your amygdala is ready to set off your alarm bells to flood your body with the fight-or-flight response. Science also now shows it plays an important part in building social connection. 

When you receive a cue that you belong, the amygdala switches roles and starts to track the people around you, looking for ways to build connection. As Daniel Coyle puts it, in his book The Culture Code, the amygdala “transforms from a growling guard dog into an energetic guide dog with a single-minded goal: to make sure you stay tightly connected with your people.”

Read on to hear the 7 Keys to know Foster Belonging at Work

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And if you’d like to improve staff wellbeing at your workplace feel free to download a copy of my eBook 5 Keys to a Positive, Energised, High-Performance Culture here.

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About the Author – Lauren Parsons, CSP, AS

Lauren is a keynote speaker, author and consultant who’s passionate about helping busy people discover little-used techniques to boost their energy, vitality and performance. She’s the only speaker in the world to focus on lifting BOTH workplace wellbeing and productivity.

Awarded NZ Keynote Speaker of the Year and Educator of the Year 2023/24 by the Professional Speakers Association. Lauren is a sought-after international speaker, one of only a dozen Certified Speaking Professionals and the only Accredited Speaker in New Zealand.

TEDx speaker, Author of Thriving Leaders Thriving Teams and Real Food Less Fuss, Founder of the Snack on Exercise movement and host of the Thrive TV Show. With over 20 years’ experience, Lauren integrates her wellness and business background to help leaders find the sweet spot between boosting both wellbeing and productivity.

Described as unforgettable and life-changing, Lauren is a dynamic and highly-engaging presenter, and master story-teller who will have you laughing, moving and learning in a memorable way. Whether it’s virtual or in-person, you will leave Lauren’s session feeling uplifted and empowered to create positive change, today!

Based in the Manawatu, New Zealand, where she lives with her husband and three children, Lauren can often be found hosting dinner parties, playing board games, running, reading or getting out in her gumboots to walk the paddocks. She travels regularly to speak at conferences and in-house and specialises in helping leaders create positive, energised workplaces where people thrive.

Check out all the goodness at Lauren’s “Free Stuff” page at www.LaurenParsonsWellbeing.com

Ways to connect with Lauren

• Find out about conference keynotes 
• See her most popular topics
• Make a time for a virtual cuppa over zoom